I have two tricky questions for you. However, to answer them, you need to be brave and answer them honestly.
Question 1: Has your freedom, the dream of freedom, become your God? Has it become more important to you than God Himself?
Many’s reactive responses are, “No, God is more important, for sure.” But when God does not give you what you asked for. You are disappointed and want to avoid praying, attending chapel services, or attending the UBB classes. Whether you realize it or not, you no longer wish to invest in your relationship with God. Why? You become angry and withdrawn because what you asked for has already become your God, and since you “did not” get the answer.
Remember, not everything we ask for is always the will of God, and the timing may also not be the timing that God has for you. It doesn’t mean that it will not happen because it didn’t happen right away. Ponder this question and see if this has been your case. Do not let anxiety rob you of the most critical blessing: your relationship with God. If you fail with Him, you will fall into everything else; allow Him to be the source of your life and your priority.
Question 2: Has God become a means to an end? Yes. You read that correctly. Has God become a route to achieve a goal? Do you seek God only because of His power to give you what you want?
When a person wants God, He is the beginning, the middle, and the end for that person. God becomes their reason, purpose, and the final word they obey; His will counts.
Stay tuned because maybe you fell into the trap of running after the blessings and forgot the most important, the Blesser; you became bitter in faith because you felt God did not listen. On the contrary, He wants your commitment; he cannot be your “side piece.” Only when you want a blessing do you run to Him and forget Him when things go well.
If this happened, come back, repent, put this dream below God, and accept His will for you.
Remember the Lord in everything you do, and He will show you the right way. Proverbs 3:6